


Choices

by slytheringurrl



Category: Suits (TV), White Collar
Genre: F/M, White Collar Big Bang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-18 22:26:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2364269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytheringurrl/pseuds/slytheringurrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sara didn't want to choose – her job or Neal.  London or New York.  She wanted it all but that was impossible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work could not have been completed without some amazing people that stuck around to help me with this. Thank you to everyone at lastfanstading who kept reading and giving me lots of concrit! Also, thanks to treonb for reading my story! Thank you to kanarek13 for the awesome artwork and putting up with my pickiness!   
> 

There were some things in life that just weren't worth sacrificing.  Maybe, just maybe, keeping up appearances meant more to her than she had originally thought.  Dating a felon didn't do any favors for her already shaky reputation.  Not many people knew that the suave and smooth man was indeed a criminal but explaining your boyfriend's profession could get extremely uncomfortable.  Even though she didn't have a problem with his past, it definitely wasn't a strong selling point.   Sara didn't believe in jinxing relationships and she never tried to sell one short. But maybe, their relationship was never meant to go past the occasional romp in the sheets.

 

_"Are you sure you want to really do this again?" Neal asked Sara, glancing at her nervously. "If you really don't want to be in anything committed right now, I understand."_

_Sara shook her head. "It's taken me a while to realize how special you are, Neal. I sound completely unlike myself right now but, it’s the truth." She laughed lightly. "I think I'm finally ready for some commitment in my life other than my job."_

_Without saying a word, Neal captured Sara's lips and kissed her soundly. "No matter the ups and downs, I'll be here," he promised fervently._

 

He had promised to always be there for her and she had blindly believed him.  But now he was gone and here she was, waiting for him like a fool. 

 

\---

 

In the springtime, New York was beautiful.  It wasn't too cold but a light breeze would pass through the air.  Sara couldn't help but grin as she walked down the narrow streets towards her favorite coffee shop.   It had been almost a month since Neal had suddenly disappeared from her life.  Sure, he was still in New York, serving his sentence, but he hadn't bothered to call her or even send her a text that he wasn't interested in her anymore.  She always thought that Neal was a gentleman but she'd tried calling him in the beginning but he didn't even bother to pick up her calls.  That bastard.  But this rift between them wasn't entirely his fault.   However, she couldn't even say sorry for what she had said.  After all, how was one supposed to apologize when the other person was completely ignoring them?

 

At that moment, as she stood outside waiting to cross the street, she knew that she needed to move on from Neal.  It wasn't like she'd never had a bad relationship – after all her whole relationship with Brian had been pretty terrible from the beginning.  She was thirty-six years old and she wasn't getting any younger.  Her biological clock was ticking and if she wanted to actually have a family, she couldn't hang around and wait for a guy that clearly wanted nothing to do with her.

 

\---

 

"So, how's Sara?" Peter asked as they walked to his car after work one day.  "You haven't talked about her in a while.  Are you taking a break _again_?"

 

Neal sighed.  "I'm not so sure where our relationship stands right now," he muttered.  "I said some things that I shouldn't have said and she got pissed off and we haven't talked since.  I don't even know what to say to her."

 

"Just apologize," Peter said as if it was the obvious thing to do.  "How hard can an 'I'm sorry' be?"

 

Neal scoffed. "Have you met Sara?" he asked rhetorically.  "She doesn't exactly forgive and forget."

 

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that you won't try, right?"

 

"I don't know."  And, he really didn't.  Usually, Neal was okay with the ladies.  He was charming and when he'd wine and dine them, they'd end up falling for him.  But, he was never good with actual relationships that lasted longer than a night out at a fancy restaurant. 

 

_"Come on, Sara.  You can't move to London," he yelled.  "Everything is actually working out for us for once."_

_"My job always comes first, Neal.  I told you that before.  You only have a year left of your sentence.  Move to London after."  She shrugged.  "You had a relationship with Kate when you were in prison, right?  This will be a lot easier than that."_

_"You also told me that you were ready for commitment," he said, trying to stay calm even though he was far from it.  "I don't want to be in a long-distance relationship!  If you move to London, we're over."_

_"Are you seriously giving me an ultimatum?" She just shook her head in disbelief.  "I didn't think you'd stoop that low.  You know, maybe we_ do _need a break from each other.  This is a huge promotion, Neal.  I've been working for this my entire career.  You've never given up your criminal ways.  Why should I give up my career?"_

_Neal just groaned.  "What do you want me to say?" he demanded.  "Do you just want me to accept it and let you leave while I'm stuck here?"_

_"I guess that's what I was expecting."_

 

"Just think about it," Peter urged but Neal just ignored him.  He wasn't ready to apologize to Sara just yet.  She always wanted him to make the sacrifices, and for once, he wanted her to pick him over her job. 

 

\---

 

Sara's boss paced back and forth in his office as she sat in the chair across from his desk.  "Sara, this is a great opportunity," he stressed.  "I thought you were on board with everything."

 

"I just need some more time," she muttered.  "This is a big move and I'm not so sure if I want to take this risk right now."

 

"Okay but I need to know soon, Sara.  I can't hold this job for you forever.  At some point, I will have to hire someone else."

 

Sara sighed.  If she was being honest with herself, she didn't want to take the job.  Everything she had was here in New York and she didn't want to lose everything she had worked for.  Being a woman in a male-dominated field was challenging and it had taken a long time to gain every bit of respect she received her other coworkers and she didn't want to start the whole process over again.  "I'll make my final choice on Monday," she decided finally. 

 

\---

 

Later that night, Sara glanced at the forms sitting on her coffee table as she clutched a warm cup of tea.  She knew that in theory, taking the job would be the best.  But, she couldn't help but think about Neal.  On the other hand, she and Neal were never the perfect couple.  He probably wasn't worth abandoning the perfect job but when they finally decided to try a true relationship that was based on more than sex, things had escalated from just decent to great.  And the peace had lasted for almost two months. They hadn't fought about anything in weeks and the sex was always improving.  Even Mozzie was finally accepting that Neal and Sara would be together and that he couldn't do anything about it. In hindsight, the peace did seem too good to be true and then, Sara had gotten the job offer.

 

_Sara stared at the piece of paper in shock as she started to read the letter. A promotion... She'd even waiting for this forever.  Except like everything else, there was a catch.  The job wasn't in New York – it was in London._

_"Is there no way that I can work from here?" she had asked her boss the next day.  "I really want the job but –"_

_"Then take it," he had urged.  "If you really want a promotion, this is the best offer you're going to get.  We have people in senior roles here in New York and they're not leaving anytime soon.  Now if you stay here, we'd open those roles up to you if anyone leaves or retires but other than that, you’re not going to be promoted.  Of course, we'd offer you the senior position here in New York even if you go to London.  So, think about it."_

She didn't want to choose between her job and Neal. She wanted them both but she couldn’t have her cake and eat it too. Without any warning what so ever, she felt the tears pool up in her eyes. For last few weeks, her hormones had been running astray and she'd been finding herself crying more than she had in the last decade over the span of a few weeks. It was always the small things too, like seeing a SPCA commercial or glancing someone wearing a fedora like Neal's. She so desperately wanted to run to Neal's apartment and apologize but as always, her damn pride got in the way of things.

 

\----

 

"They've set your new commutation date," Peter told Neal as he handed him a piece of paper.  "I just got this email a few hours ago.  It's set for August 19th."

 

Neal snatched the paper from Peter and read it quickly, an excited look appearing on his face.  "I didn't think they'd look at my case again after what happened with James," he admitted.  "I thought I'd be stuck here until I served all of my time."

 

Peter shrugged.  "You were promised a hearing before and they must've wanted to give you another chance.  Aren't you happy?"

 

"I'm happy but my life isn't going to change too much.  I think I'd stay in New York."

 

"You wouldn't move to London with Sara?" the older man asked, knowing that Neal was still trying to avoid actually having a conversation with his girlfriend. 

 

Neal scoffed.  "Of course not."  He shot Peter a look and the other man slowly backed off, perceptive enough to realize that Neal wouldn't want him to push the issue further. 

 

\----

 

After leaving the damned forms on her coffee table for three more days, Sara took one last look at the papers and tossed them in the recycling bin before walking out the door. 

 

"Just do it, Sara," she muttered to herself as she sat in front of her laptop.  She knew that it was the right thing to do but she couldn't help but hesitate.  Finally, she laid her fingers on the keyboard and began to type.

_May 13, 2013_

_Dear Mr. Bosch,_

_Thank you for considering me for the role of Vice President.  However, I'm sorry to say that I will be declining the position._

_Sincerely,_

_Sara Ellis_

 

Sara hit 'send' before she started second-guessing her decision again.  New York was, after all, her home and she didn't want to leave it just for a small pay raise and a different title.  Maybe it wasn't wise to abdicate the role but deep down, she knew that she was making the right decision. 

\----

 

Sara waved at the redhead as she walked across the hall towards Donna Paulsen's cubicle.  "Hey, Donna."

 

"Sara!" the other woman exclaimed, walking around her desk to give Sara a hug.  "I haven't seen you in _forever_.  Has Sterling Bosch been holding you captive?" 

 

"You're so dramatic," Sara muttered as she rolled her eyes.  "Actually, I wanted to see if you wanted to get lunch.  I texted Rachel earlier but she has a class."

 

"Sure," Donna agreed.  "We really need to catch up.  Let me tell Harvey."  She turned on the intercom that was sitting on her desk and called, "Harvey, I'm going to lunch with Sara!"

 

"Have fun!" came the reply and Donna smiled up at Sara.  "Okay, let's go."

 

Twenty minutes later, Donna and Sara sat in their favorite restaurant that was conveniently located next to a boutique that they loved.  "How are you?" Donna asked Sara.  "You look different since the last time I saw you.  Did you dye your hair?"

 

Sara fingered the ends of her hair that were redder than before.  "Yeah, I just really needed a change."  She let out a sigh.  "It's just been a really bad month."

 

"What’s going on?" Donna asked soothingly.  "Are you alright?"

 

Sara shook her head.  "Neal and I broke up over the stupidest thing and now I'm really regretting everything I said."

 

"Make up with him," Donna advised.  "Don't suppress your feelings since it won't work out.  You've seen me and Harvey.  We've been together for only three months but we could've already been married with kids if we would've just talked about how we felt towards each other earlier."

 

"I know," Sara muttered, "but, I'm just so damn stubborn.  You know that.  I just can't get myself to apologize to him.  I even declined the job offer but I can't get myself to tell him."

 

"You actually gave up the promotion?" Donna looked at Sara with a shocked expression cast on her face.  "But, you waited for that position for so long!"

 

"There are larger things at risk than my job," Sara muttered.  "It's not all about work."

 

"Don't tell me you’re pregnant.  That would great but the timing would be awful."  Donna sighed, then her eyes widened.  "That's why you wanted to meet today!" she said in realization when she saw Sara grimace at her with flushed cheeks.  "I can't believe you're having a baby.  That's so exciting!"

 

Sara held up a hand and stopped Donna.  "Calm down.  I haven't confirmed anything," she confessed.  "But, all the signs are pointing to it.  I haven't been throwing up or anything but I've been tired and my period is really late."

 

"Did you take a test?"

 

"I'm afraid to actually see if it's true.  I don't want to be pregnant; it's just way too much to handle right now."

 

Donna patted Sara's hand in sympathetically.  "Come on.  Harvey's apartment is right around the corner.  We'll buy a test so you can take it."

 

"Are you sure that he wouldn't mind?" Sara asked the redhead. 

 

"Don't look for excuses.  You know that he won't care," the other woman scolded.  "You're going to have to do this at some point so let's do it now.  If you really are pregnant, you can analyze your options more carefully."

 

"Okay," Sara agreed hesitantly.  "I'll take it."

 

\----

 

"What does it say?" Sara asked as she sat on the floor of Harvey's fancy bathroom.  "Is it positive?" 

 

Donna waved her phone in Sara's face.  "We have to wait for three more minutes."

 

"I'm sorry," the blonde apologized.  "I've been bothering you so much and you've just been so patient with me."  She then glanced around the bathroom.  "Harvey has a great apartment, by the way."

 

"I know, right?" Donna agreed.  "I love taking showers here in the morning."

 

"Are you living here?" Sara asked, suddenly in the mood for gossiping.  If anything, it would take her mind of the impending results.  "If you are, it was a long time coming.  I've known you for ten years and you've been in love with him for more than a decade."

 

Donna nodded hesitantly.  "I haven't officially moved in but I've always had a key and now, I'm taking over half of his closet.  But, you don't want to hear about my life, right?  It'll probably just make you feel even worse."

 

"Don't worry about it," Sara said.  "I'm so happy that you and Harvey are finally working things out."

 

"I am too."  Just then, Donna's phone buzzed, signaling that the time was up and that the results were present on the pregnancy test.  She smiled at Sara.  "Ready for the big reveal?" she asked. 

 

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," Sara said as she mustered up some cheerfulness.  "What does it say?"

 

Donna showed her the test with a smile on her face.  "Congratulations," she cheered, "you're pregnant!"

 

Sara could feel the tears pooling up in her eyes.  She didn't think that she'd actually have a child with a man that she wasn't even together with.  She started sobbing when she felt Donna's arms wrap around her and she leaned into the redhead's chest as she cried softly.  "I can't believe this is happening," she muttered.  "I kept hoping that it would be a false alarm."

 

"Are you going to keep it?" Donna asked carefully as she rubbed Sara's back comfortingly.  "Or..." she faded off.

 

"I don't know," Sara replied wearily.  "I just don't know what to do."

 

"If you need anything at all, come to me alright?" Donna told her friend sternly.  "Don't hide behind that wall of yours.  I want to hear your problems so I can help you."

 

"I'll keep that in mind," Sara promised her.  "Thank you for everything, Donna.  You're seriously the best."

 

"I know," Donna joked, and then she said seriously, "You need to tell Neal."

 

Sara hung her head and stared at the tile.  "I will at some point," she muttered.  "I just need to figure out how to tell him."

 

\---

 

Sara stood outside Neal's apartment and she could practically feel her insides curling like a bunch of vines.   Thankfully, June hadn't been home and the maid had let her in so Neal didn't know that she was here.   She couldn't do it.  She ran away from the door and down the stairs without a second thought. 

 

Later, she sat in her apartment and stared at the unopened bottle of red that sat on her table.  If it were any other day, she would've gotten drunk but she wasn't stupid enough to sacrifice the health of her unborn child.  She wanted to tell Neal about the baby was she was afraid to have that conversation with him.  Neal was already afraid of commitment – why would he accept a child?

 

\---

 

Sara glanced at her watch and willed the time to go faster.  She leaned back in her chair and watched the seconds go by until finally, the nurse called her name.   A half an hour, she was sitting on the examination table wearing a standard-issue hospital gown. 

 

She heard a knock on the door and someone stuck their head in the doorway.  "Can I come in?"

 

Sara cleared her throat and called, "Sure."

 

The doctor was tall and brunette with kind hazel eyes.  "Hi, I'm Dr. Macey Brennan," she introduced herself, extending out a hand.  "How are you today?"

 

"I'm okay.  Just anxious to see the results."

 

The other woman chuckled.  "Most people who come here are pretty nervous on the first visit."  She flipped open the file that she was holding and showed it to Sara.  "We just got the results today and you are indeed pregnant!"  The doctor than looked expectantly at her, expecting some kind of reaction but instead, Sara just nodded. 

 

"So, how do you feel?  Are you excited?" she asked.  "Do you have any questions for me?"

 

"I suppose," Sara muttered.  "It's just a lot to take in."

 

"Definitely," the doctor agreed.  "So, I'm going to get you started on some pre-natal vitamins and you can set up an ultrasound appointment sometime this month since we usually book those in after we've confirmed the pregnancy."

 

"Do you know when I'll be due?"

 

"I do.  You'll have the baby sometime around December 3rd but remember that it's a rough estimation."

 

"Okay.  Thank you for everything," Sara replied, shooting the doctor a small smile.  She waved at the nurse at the reception desk and paid her copay quickly, ready to just go home and sleep.  

 

When her phone vibrated in her hand, she hesitated to answer but then gave in when she saw 'Donna Paulsen' on the screen.

 

"Did you tell him?  How'd it go?" Donna asked immediately after Sara picked up the phone, without even stopping to say hello. 

 

"I didn't actually tell him," Sara responded.  "I freaked out.  I got to his doorway and then left as fast as I could.

 

"Tell him over dinner," Donna suggested.  "Maybe he'll take it better after he's had a couple glasses of wine.  Harvey always takes bad news better after he's had some scotch in him."

 

"You're right," Sara said.  "I just hope that he'd be willing to come."

 

"He'll come," the other woman said confidently.  "If he cares even a little bit about you, he'll be there."

 

\---

 

Neal hated paperwork so when his phone chimed, signaling a text, he glanced at the screen, happy for a distraction.  The text was from Sara.  _Hey, are you busy tonight?_ Why would she be texting him of all people.  He replied back: _No, what's up?_

 

Within a minute another text popped up on the screen. _Can we meet tonight at Ecco?  It's important._

Neal could only figure out one reason that she'd want to actually interact with him.   She must've accepted the position in London.  He sent back: _I'm free.  Let's meet at seven?_

When he got an affirmative reply, he tried to keep his excitement contained.  After all, if she was moving away, there would be no chance of them ever having a relationship again.  On the other hand, if his sentence was cleared, he could move to London to be with her but even then, getting permission to live in a different country could be a problem. 

 

At seven sharp, Neal found himself sitting in the cozy restaurant as he waited for Sara to arrive.  Fifteen minutes later, she rushed in, hair askew and breathless.  "I'm so sorry I'm late.  Work has been crazy lately."

 

"No problem."  He smiled hesitantly at her.  "How are you?"

 

She shrugged.  "I could be better."

 

"So, what did you want to want to talk about?" Neal asked as they started to eat their dinner.  "Are you taking the job?"

 

Sara pushed down the bile that was threatening to rise and took in a deep breath.  "I'm staying in New York and actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

 

"What is it?" he asked as he saw the look of despair flash across Sara's usually stony face.  "Just say it," he urged. 

 

"I'm pregnant!" she exclaimed quickly.  "It's yours."

 

Neal swallowed hard.  He felt like he was going to faint.  He wasn't ready to have kids!  Hell, he probably would never have children plus he was a convicted felon.  He'd probably be an awful role model anyway.  "Is that why you're staying in New York?" he demanded angrily.  "Are you even sure it's mine?  We haven't slept together in over a month."

 

"You are _such_ an asshole!" she shouted and to her chagrin, many people turned to glare at her.  "Sorry," she muttered towards the table next to theirs.  "I can't believe you had the balls to ask me that!" she whispered angrily.  "And I'm almost two months along so it's definitely yours."

 

"Okay, I'm sorry," Neal backtracked as he tried to rectify the damage.  "I didn't mean to say that and it wasn't very appropriate.  But, are you planning on sacrificing your career for this?"

 

" _This_?  It's a child, Neal.  A child that I'm planning on keeping.  If you want to see the kid, we'll be here.  If not, it's up to you." 

 

"I need some time to process this," Neal admitted.  "I wasn't expecting this and it's going to take me a little while to adjust."

 

"I know you're not fully okay with this," Sara started off, "however, I would like you to be in his or her life.  I think that a child deserves to have both parents in their life, even if they're not together, but if you don't want to be involved, I understand."

 

Neal heaved a sigh.  He'd personally lived without a father and needless to say, he wouldn't wish that on anyone, let alone his own flesh and blood.  He couldn't do the same thing and keep a clear conscience.  "I'll be there for the kid," he promised.  "Right now, I can't promise you anything more than that but when it comes to our child; I'll be there every step of the way."

 

Sara's heart broke a little more after hearing Neal's last words. She knew that it was wrong to expect that he'd be flying back into her arms after their nasty breakup but somehow, she'd led herself into believing that he'd forgive her for everything that happened.   At least he was willing to support their child.  "Okay," she said in a small voice.  "I have a doctor's appointment next Wednesday.  Would you like to come?  If you don't want to, I can bring you a –"

 

"I'll come," he said, interrupting her tirade.  "Just let me know when and where."

 

Later that night, Neal sat down at his kitchen table and slowly pulled out the cork out of a bottle of wine.   Sara was pregnant.  Sure, they weren't always careful but usually, they used protection.  He never actually thought that he'd get someone pregnant accidentally.  He wasn't that kind of guy and to be honest, he wasn't ready to be a father just yet.  It was funny how quickly one little act could change a life.  He sighed and dragged over the bottle and drank from it, straight up, not even bothering to grab a glass.  Never before had he wanted to get drunk this badly.  After all, his life was changing right before his eyes and he didn’t know what to do about it. 

 

The next morning, he woke up with his face resting on the table.  His mouth was dry and his back was killing him.   Then, it all came rushing back.  Sara was pregnant and he had been a compete douche to her about it.  He pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed out slowly.  He groped blindly around the table until his hand fell on his phone.  Then, he scrolled through his contacts but paused when he reached Sara's name.  _Was it too early to apologize and grovel for her forgiveness?_   But he knew Sara.  She'd probably appreciate an apology (and a box of chocolates) more than she'd care to admit.  Nodding to himself, he pressed 'call' on the LCD screen and lifted the phone up to his ear. 

 

"Hello?" he heard Sara answer in a groggy voice and he checked his watch to see that it was already 7:30.

 

"Hey Sara.  It's Neal," he said.  "Did I wake you up?" 

 

"No," she replied.  "I'm just not as energetic in the morning as usual since I haven't been able to have my morning coffee lately." 

 

"Right," he muttered.  "Anyway, I just wanted to say sorry again for last night.  I wasn't being fair and you don't deserve that."

 

"Neal," she sighed.  "Don't worry about it, okay?  I'm actually at work so I'll talk to you later."  Thanking the stars that he hadn't caught onto her lie, she quickly ended the phone call and moments later, Neal started to hear the dial tone sound in his ear.  He probably should've gone with a box of chocolates instead of calling her.  At least their conversation hadn't ended up in a screaming match like last time.  

 

In her apartment, Sara tossed her phone onto the night stand and pushed herself out of bed.  The last thing she had expected was a phone call from him.  She figured that he'd wait at least a few days before actually working up the guts to call her but then again, Neal wasn't always predictable.  Sure, she was usually able to guess what moves he'd make but occasionally, he'd surprise her.   Last night was one of those times.  She figured that he'd be upset - any person would be - but she hadn't expected him to say what he had said.  But in true Neal Caffrey style, he had apologized within twenty-four hours.  While they were dating, Sara often wondered if he was too good for her.  He _was_ a criminal but he'd never actually want to hurt someone.  She, on the other hand, wasn't that nice.  Sara laid a hand on her still-flat stomach.  How was she supposed to actually be a decent mother when she had no idea how to be pleasant to people in general?

 

\----

 

The week quickly passed and before either of them noticed, Wednesday came.  Neal and Sara hadn't bothered to speak to each other and as they waited for Sara's name to be called, they just glanced at each other awkwardly.  "So," Neal began, desperate to break the silence, "when's the baby due?"

 

"Early December," Sara answered shortly.  She pulled out her phone from her purse and started to glance through her emails and Neal just kept quiet, knowing how to take a hint.  Unsurprisingly, she was still pissed off at him. 

 

"Are you even going to talk to me?" he asked irritably five minutes later.  "What's with the silent treatment?"

 

"You accused me of sleeping with someone else while we were together," she muttered angrily.  "You don't trust me at all and that is why I'm not talking to you."

 

"Isn't that just a little childish?"

 

"Shut up, Caffrey."  She glared at him and let out a deep breath.  "Nobody's forcing you to be here."

 

"Fine!" he exclaimed.  "I'm leaving since you obviously don't want me here."  He stood up and walked out the door and Sara just stared at his retreating back, tears pooling up in her eyes.   She desperately wanted to forgive him but she needed to stay on her guard.  At this time, she just wasn't ready to let down her walls.  Finally giving in, she stood up and jogged quickly to the doors.  "Neal," she called as a last-ditch effort.  "Stop!"

 

He turned around and shot her a look that was filled with anger.  "What do you want now?"

 

"I'm really sorry," she mumbled.  She wrapped her arms around herself in a rare moment of vulnerability.   "I do want you to see the baby."  She smiled slightly.  "It wouldn't be right for me to see it by myself."

 

Sighing, he walked back towards her.  "We can't keep doing this."  He gestured between them.  "If we're going to get along for the sake of our child, we can't fight every time we see each other."

 

"I know," she agreed.  "Let's get this over with first though."  They both walked back into the doctor's office just as the nurse called her name. 

 

Minutes later, Neal stared at the screen in awe as the little blob on the screen moved.  The baby, _their_ baby, was perfect and he already loved him or her so much.  "Wow," he breathed, "that's amazing."

 

After the appointment, Neal and Sara avoided each other like the plague.  They had nothing to say to each other anyway. 

 

Each day, Neal grew grumpier and more irritable.  He wanted to make up with Sara but his ego just wouldn't allow it.  Finally after a week, Neal found himself in front of Sara's door, clutching a bouquet of flowers he had purchased from a street vendor on his way.     

 

After a minute, Sara pulled open the door.  Her face was flushed and she looked happy – carefree, even.  "Neal," she said.  "What are you doing here?"

 

"Is it a bad time?" he asked as he heard laughter come from behind her.  "I can go."

 

She shook her head.  "No.  Actually, you should come in.  A few of my friends are here.  I should introduce you to them; they're dying to meet you."

 

"Are you sure?"

 

She grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.  "Stop making such a big deal."

 

"Who was that?" Donna called as she heard the door shut again.  "Please tell me it was the food."

 

"Come on," Sara said as she led Neal into the living room.  "Nope," she answered Donna.  She then pointed a finger towards Neal.  "This is the infamous Neal Caffrey."

 

Neal saw four pairs of eyes gawk at him.  The older man who was lounging in the corner finally spoke up.  "So, you didn't make him up.  I didn't think he actually existed."

 

"Stop being an ass, Harvey!" the redhead who had asked about the food exclaimed as she whacked him.   "But seriously, we're thrilled that we're finally meeting you."  She extended out a hand.  "I'm Donna."

 

"Nice to meet you," Neal said, grinning his trademark smile.  "I've wanted to meet Sara's friends too.  I always thought she was a cat lady," he added conspiratorially. 

 

Sara rolled her eyes.  "You and Harvey will get along fabulously," she grumbled.  "And, that's Mike and Rachel," she continued, pointing out the younger couple. 

 

Neal nodded, suddenly feeling awkward, surrounded by people who obviously knew each other very well.  Just then, a knock sounded and Sara scampered off to grab the door.  Donna and Rachel both followed behind her, saying something about plates and wine.

 

The younger man, Mike, came up to Neal and handed him a glass of red wine.  "Hey, I'm Mike," he introduced himself.  "I've heard so much about you."

 

"Really?" Neal asked.  "I always figured that Sara wouldn’t be the type to talk about me of all people."

 

Harvey smiled.  "Well, she's talked about you a lot but it's been pretty vague.  By the way, congratulations."

 

"She told you?" Neal sank back into the leather sofa and swallowed down some wine. 

 

"Well, she told Rachel and Donna.  Rachel can't keep a secret to save her life so she told me and I told Harvey.  They all work together," Mike explained.  "Things don't stay quiet for long at Pearson Specter."

 

"How do you guys know Sara?"

 

"It's a long story.  I was her client's lawyer and we got off on the wrong foot so I would send Donna to talk to her.  Obviously, she and Donna hit it off and as time went along, I guess Sara grew on me.   Then we started to do these dinners after Mike got together with Rachel and even I started to get along with Sara."

 

"How did you and Sara meet?" Mike asked curiously. 

 

"We first came across each other when she was accusing me of stealing a Raphael painting and she had testified against me when I was sentenced for bond forging."

 

"That's funny," Harvey said, smirking.  "Mike here also has a criminal past."

 

"Donna's right.  You're such an ass sometimes," Mike interjected with a groan.  When he caught Neal's questioning glance, he clarified, "I did a lot of weed and almost got caught selling it.  Then, I pretended to be a lawyer and almost got caught doing that, too.  It's probably worse than bond forging."

 

"Well, jail isn't that bad," Neal admitted.  "But then again, I wouldn't want to go back."  He smiled slightly.  "So, what do you do now?"

 

"I'm an insurance banker.  But, I consult for Harvey on the side.  I like to keep in touch with my law."

 

"You guys are already bonding, I see," Sara remarked as she walked in with naans, various curries and bottles of wine and scotch. 

 

"We definitely are," Mike agreed as he pulled Rachel close to him.  "We were just conversing about our criminal pasts." 

 

"Oh God," Rachel said to Neal.  "Please tell me that _you_ didn’t lie to Sara about your criminal activities."

 

Sara smirked.  "Oh, I helped put him in jail," she assured her friend.  "He can't lie about that."


	2. Chapter 2

_'Let's have dinner tmorw night.  My place. 6.'_ read the text and Sara clicked her pen against her pen as she held her thumb over the keyboard.  She and Neal were getting around better but dinner… it felt too much like old times.   
  
 _'Alright.  I'll bring some wine (for you),_ she replied and went back to her work.   
  
The next evening, Sara stared at her phone as she waited for Neal to wrap up his cooking.  One thing she loved about being pregnant was that she could eat whatever she wanted since she was getting fat anyway.  And she was taking full advantage of that by making Neal cook her all sorts of delicacies.   
  
After an amazing dinner and homemade tiramisu, she peered curiously over Neal's shoulder as he studied some papers intently at the kitchen table.  "What are you doing?"  
  
"Prepping," he muttered.  "I don't want to screw this up."  
  
"Screw what up?" she asked him as she massaged his shoulder blades.  "You seem so tense."  
  
"Didn't I tell you?"  
  
"No…  What's going on?"  
  
"I've been approved for another commutation," he said after a moment.   "Hopefully, it'll work out this time."  
  
"That's so great!  Why are you so nervous though?" she asked him, noticing the look of sheer uneasiness cast on his face.    
  
Neal just shrugged.  "I just want the anklet off and I’m afraid that I'll be stuck with it."  
  
"You'll be fine," she assured him.  "You've been pretty good about following the law this time around.  Worst comes to worst, you only have a year or so on it anyway."  
  
He looked at her skeptically.  "Are you sure about that?  Cape Verde wasn't my finest moment nor was the whole thing with Peter and my father."  
  
"Stay positive.  I'm sure it'll be fine.  You deserve to be free, Neal.  Sure, you've messed up a few times, but I think you've proven that you can be a better man."  
  
"I guess," he replied.  He was desperately hoping that he'd be a free man by September but he didn't want to get his hopes up.  It was better to expect the worst.   
  
\---  
  
At Sara's next doctor's appointment, they saw the baby again and Neal tried not to cry.  He wasn't a crier but to see his kid on that screen always managed to move him.   
  
"Let's get dinner?" he asked Sara when he led her out of the doctor's office.   
  
"Okay," she agreed and he grinned at her.  It was slow progress but finally, they were mending the bridges that had been burned.   
  
"Would you be okay with me telling Moz and Peter about the baby?" Neal inquired as he played anxiously with his wine glass once they had settled down at the restaurant.   
  
"Of course!" she exclaimed. "They're your friends, Neal. Plus," she added, rubbing her barely noticeable bump, "in a few months, there really won't be anything to hide.  I figured that you would've already told them."  
  
"I wanted to ask you first.  I didn't really know what the right thing to do was."  
  
"I think we're going to feel that way for a while.  I doubt we'll ever know what the right thing is when it comes to the baby."  
  
"Tell me about it," Neal muttered.  "I never thought that I'd actually have kids and settle down.  I always figured I'd live out my days running cons."  
  
Sara laughed. "I didn't either. But now, it feels right."  
  
"I'm sorry," Neal started off, "for what I said to you when we ended things.  Maybe, we could try again," he said hopefully.  "For the baby."  But in reality, Neal wanted to be with Sara, baby or no baby.   
  
"Why?  We can raise a child without being together.  Things are finally okay, Neal. We aren't fighting like before. Why mess things up?"  
  
"It's not because of the baby," he finally admitted.  "I want us to work things out, Sara.  I wanted to apologize the moment you left."  
  
"You should have."  
  
"Move in with me," Neal offered as a last resort. "We could even look for a bigger place."  
  
Sara exhaled loudly. "Neal. This is moving way too fast.  We're barely together. Let's not make things more complicated than they should be."  
  
"What about when the baby's born? It's not like he or she can stay with you over the week and with me over the weekend. Come on, Sara," he begged. "At least think about it."  
  
"Fine, I'll think about it," she finally conceded. "But I'm not making any promises."  
  
\---  
  
"Let's have dinner sometime this week," Neal suggested to Peter one day as they lounged in Peter's office, still celebrating after finding a jewelry forger.  "I'd like to talk to you and Elizabeth."  
  
"That sounds good," Peter agreed.  "But, why?"  
  
Neal smiled.  "No reason."  
  
\---  
  
"Neal!" Elizabeth exclaimed when she opened the door to find him standing on the doorstep with bottle of wine.  She then ushered him inside and pulled him in for a quick hug.  "I haven't seen you in a while."  
  
"It has," Neal agreed.   Once all three were settled down at the table, Neal cleared his throat and smiled at Elizabeth and Peter from across the table. "I have something to tell you both."  
  
"What did you steal now?" joked Peter. "You only have a few months left on the anklet."  
  
"Okay, I didn't steal anything."  
  
"So, what happened?" Elizabeth asked.  
  
"Sara's pregnant," Neal said with a grin. "She's three months along and the baby's due in December."  
  
"That's amazing!" Elizabeth exclaimed, moving around the table to wrap her arms around the younger man.  "You should've brought Sara with you.  In fact, I think I need to call her and congratulate her.  I'm so happy for you, Neal!"  
  
Neal glanced over at Peter, who hadn't said even a word.  "Peter?" he asked hesitantly.  
  
"You're changing for the better, Caffrey," was all Peter had to say on the subject before he moved on to talk about some case.  Neal smiled - coming from Peter, that single comment was as much of a congratulation as he'd ever get from anyone else.  
  
\---  
  
August nineteenth.  It was finally here.  Neal stirred in his sleep and then suddenly bolted out of his bed when he realized what day it was.   
  
He stepped into the bathroom and took careful care in brushing his hair and flossing the invisible specks out of his teeth. Even though he'd already picked out his suit, he took one extra look through his closet anyway.  Once he was dressed, he made sure that his tie was straight.  Today was an important day and he needed to look his best; after all, dress for success.    
  
Although his stomach was twisting, he forced himself to toast a bagel and boil an egg.  As he was eating, Mozzie burst into the apartment with a grin on his face.  "Neal!" he exclaimed, slamming a bottle of Bollinger on the table.  "Champagne for the free man!"  
  
Neal smiled.  "Aren't we celebrating just a bit too early?" he asked.  "What if I'm stuck with my anklet?"  
  
"It's never too early to celebrate," Mozzie replied.   
  
"I agree," Peter said, walking in with Sara and El in tow.  "I'm sure you'll do fine."

The younger man let out a sigh.  El came over and wrapped up Neal in a hug.  "Don't worry," she said soothingly, rubbing an hand on his back.  "Hope for the best."

Neal nodded hesitantly.  "All right."  He grabbed his fedora and propped it on his head.  "Let's get the party started."

\---

Peter sat in front of the committee and twiddled his thumbs anxiously.  Unlike Neal's last commutation hearing, he was confident that Neal deserved his freedom.  

"Mr. Burke," the only woman on the three-person board asked, "can you please state your name for the record?"

"Peter Burke," he replied.  

"Do you believe that Mr. Neal Caffrey is responsible enough to be let out of his sentence?  Do you think that he will keep his nose clean?"

Peter nodded.  "Absolutely," he replied.  "Mr. Caffrey has changed and he has things at stake if he doesn't keep himself out of prison."

The woman gestured for him to continue so he went on, "Neal is in a committed relationship and is expecting a child.  One of the most important things to him is family.  He would do anything to protect his loved ones.  He will make the right decision."

After Sara, Diana, and a few others from the FBI office had testified, the committee told Peter that they would announce Neal's fate within the next 96 hours after interviewing Neal.  

When Neal walked out the interviewing room, Sara rushed toward him and wrapped her arms around him.  "I think that you're going to be free," she told him with tears shimmering.  

"Even though I don't want to jinx anything, I think so too."  

\---

They waited for three long, grueling days.  The anxiousness filled most people in the White Collar division since they had all grown close to the conman.  But then, Peter finally got the email.

"I have news," he announced, standing on the balcony that looked over the bullpen.  "Everyone, listen up."  Once all eyes were on him, he continued, "I received an email today.  And, I'd like to share that our resident conman is no longer on the anklet!"

Quickly, the room was filled with cheers and someone brandished a bottle of champagne and that was too, popped loudly.  Neal grinned as he received multiple slaps on the back and hugs.  Peter and Diana came up to him amidst the celebration and pulled him aside.  

Once in Peter's office, Diana handed Neal a box and once he opened it, he found the strangest gift: wire cutters.  He looked at her confusedly.  "I have wire cutters."

Peter just laughed.  "These are going to be the only wire cutters that will cut off your anklet."  He then placed the key to Neal's anklet in his hand.  "We figured that you could place your old anklet on for just a bit and cut it off.  You know, like the beginning."  He then bent down and strapped the old anklet on. 

 "Wow," Neal said, "you both are very deep."  Taking a deep breath, he pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of his ankle with the two tracking devices.  Seeing the agents confused looks, he clarified, "it's a keepsake.  After all, pictures are worth a thousand words."  He then unlocked the new anklet and grabbed the wire cutters and easily cut through the old one.  He set the two devices on the desk.  "It's over," he then said.  "I'm free."

\---

Later that night, Neal stumbled into his apartment, tipsy off the multiple glasses of champagne, but quickly spotted Sara waiting for him on the sofa.  "Sara," he muttered, "it's late.  What are you doing here?"

"Surprising you," she said with a grin.  

"You should've come to the party.  I missed you."

She shrugged.  "I thought we could celebrate in private."  She grabbed a glass of wine off the coffee table and handed it to him.  "Bordeaux.  I picked some up on the way.  I figured it was worth the occasion."

"Definitely worth it," he said, taking a sip.  "It's amazing."

"Glad you liked it."  She bent down and pecked his lips.  "Let's celebrate."

He raised his eyebrows.  "What do you mean?" he asked, knowing fully what she meant.  He set his wine glass down and looked at her expectantly.  

She then kissed him full on, grabbing his tie and pulling him closer.  "Celebrating like this," she murmured into his neck.  "In private.  We couldn't have done this at your office, now could we?"

"Maybe next time," he replied before leading her to the bed and letting her unbutton his shirt and pull off his pants.  He quickly grabbed at her loose shift dress and yanked it over her head.  "But for now, I'll be fine with the bed," he whispered as he pushed her down lightly onto the bed.  

\---

"You did it," she said quietly as she drew circles with her fingertips on his bare chest as they laid down after.  

He smiled lightly.  "I did, didn't I?  I never thought that this would happen after the whole treasure thing."

"Don't let this go to your head," she warned him jokingly.  "I doubt the FBI will be so forgiving the next time."

"I know," he said gravely.  "I'm going on the straight and narrow, Sara," he promised.  "You don't have to worry."

She nodded hesitantly.  She trusted him to make the right decision but sometimes, like a junkie needed a fix, he might need to pull a con.  "I know," she finally said.  "I believe you."

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Sara finally agreed to move in with Neal when she entered her second trimester.  Neal figured that since they were finally living together, they might actually get along better.   In their relationship, they had always argued passionately and then, they'd make it up in bed even more passionately.   
   
Unfortunately, the peace never lasted for long, he realized quickly as Sara became more and more hormonal.  She always needed some reason to get into some argument with him and sex wasn't always able to solve their problems for them.  He stared up at the very faint starlight and the lights of the city shining bright.  Sometimes, he wondered if pursuing something with Sara was even worth it but then he would picture a life with her and their child and everything would seem alright.  Letting out a sigh, he walked back in and slipped back into bed, wrapping an arm around Sara.   
   
"Hey," Sara muttered the next day as she rolled around and pecked his cheek.  "Sorry about last night."  
   
"It's fine," he answered.  "We'll talk about it later."  
   
She shook her head adamantly.  "No, we need to talk about it now."  
   
Neal groaned.  "I just woke up.  After breakfast?"  
   
"Fine," she snapped as she pushed the covers off both of them and stomped off into the bathroom.   
   
 _Shit,_ Neal thought, rubbing his forehead.  He glanced at the bathroom door again.  It was too early for this shit.  He stood up, stretched his arms above his head and stared out the window.  Maybe breakfast would make the argument better.  
   
Sara dug into the spinach and cheese omelet with gusto.  "This is delicious," she moaned, then her face became hard.  "We're still finding out the sex of the baby."  
   
"No, we're not."  
   
"Don't you hate surprises?" she asked with a pointed glare.  "This is the ultimate surprise and I like to be prepared."  
   
"I want to wait though."  Granted, he did hate surprises but for some reason, he wanted to wait to find out.  Early planning wasn't a bad thing but they would never be fully prepared to have a child.  Not finding out would just be another thing they wouldn't be prepared for.  
   
Sara ran a hand through her hair, irritated with the whole conversation.  Why did Neal always have to be so stubborn?  "How about this?" she compromised.  "I'll find out alone and you can wait until the baby's born."  
   
"Can’t you wait, too?" Neal asked in an exasperated tone.  "Would it kill you to do something for me?"  
   
Sara took a deep breath and resisted the urge to throw something at his head.  Even though he could charm a snake, sometimes he really was an asshole.  "You wanted us to live together," she said, "and I agreed.  You know, I haven't lived with anyone since I was in college.  I'm sacrificing a lot of things too, Neal!"  
   
"Fine," he snapped, tired of arguing.  "We can do it your way."  
   
"Fine!" Sara retorted back, pushing out of her chair and retreating into the bathroom, slamming the door loudly behind her.   
   
\---  
   
"So, then he finally gave in," Sara finished, rolling her eyes, as she took another sip of her virgin martini.  "I don't get it."  
   
Rachel shrugged.  "Men are strange."  
   
"They definitely are," Sara agreed.  "So, do you think I should just let him find out?"  
   
"If he really doesn't want to find out, he'll leave," the other woman reasoned.  "Don’t overthink every little thing, Sara.  Or else, you'll never be happy.  
   
"It's just really tough," Sara admitted.  "I was so naïve.  I figured that we'd never fight or be mad at each other just because we were having a child together."  
   
Rachel laughed.  Sara rarely lived in the clouds but when it came to Neal Caffrey, her sense went completely out the window.  "I know it's hard right now," she said, "but, it'll get easier.  Living with a guy is strange at first but you get used to it."  
   
"I don't know.  Neal and I – we always had a strange relationship.  I love him but I don't want to be over-commit myself."  
   
"Don't be a Debbie downer," Rachel advised.   "Stay positive.  Everything has its way of working itself out."  
   
Sara smiled at the brunette and nodded.  "I really hope so," she said softly.  "It's not just our lives at stake now."  
   
\---  
   
Walking into Neal's apartment, Sara tossed her keys on the table by the door.  She pulled open the fridge and opened up a bottle of water, taking a long drink.  She peered around and was thrilled to see that Neal wasn't at home.   Ever since she'd moved in, Neal had been just a  _little_  overbearing and considering her loner tendencies, she'd been craving solitude without someone breathing down her neck.   
   
Living with someone was really hard.  Of course it didn't help that the studio apartment didn't have much room for her to be alone.  But then again, combined with the gorgeous view, free rent was too good to pass up.   She moved onto the couch and laid her head back as she stared out at the city.  Before she knew it, she was fast asleep.   
   
An hour later, Neal came home, carrying food with him.  "Sara," he called, but then stayed quiet when he noticed that she was sleeping.  She stirred softly and blinked her eyes a few times.  "I fell asleep," she said groggily.  
   
"I can see that."  He smiled down at her.  "Still tired?"  
   
Sara shook her head.   
   
"Why don't you eat something then?" Neal waved the bag of take-out in front of her face.  "Soup and sandwiches from your favorite café."  
   
Her appetite had been disappearing lately but the food was too good to pass up.  "Just a little though," she cautioned.  Quickly, she swallowed down some soup, suddenly feeling her hunger return.   
   
"Wow," Neal remarked.  "I haven’t seen you eat that much in a long time."  
   
She threw a glare at him.  "Are you making fun of me?"  
   
He smirked.  "Maybe."  
   
Sara laughed out loud and poked him in the stomach.  "That's mean," she grumbled.  "Don't make fun of the pregnant lady.  I need to eat."  
   
His face became serious again.  "I know you do."  
   
She sighed.  And, it was all back to normal.  She missed the old Neal, the one that was okay with teasing and bothering her.  The protectiveness was cute in the beginning, but now it was getting old.   
   
\---     
   
They told Mozzie about the baby a few days later, and of course, he didn't take it well.  It seemed to Sara that Mozzie had went through the five stages of grief right in front of them but at the end, he had said that he was happy for Neal.   
   
Telling her colleagues was a whole different ball-game though.   
   
"How should I even tell them?" she asked Neal.  "Would sending an email be too informal?"  
   
He shrugged.  "It could be but then again, if you want to keep it short and simple, it could be the best way to go."  
   
"I'll send cards," she decided.  After rush-ordering announcement cards, she mailed them to all her colleagues.  It was simple and easy. 

When the questions came about what she'd do about work, she just ignored them.  Sure, the workaholic in her would never forgive herself but at the moment, taking care of the baby was top on Sara's priority list, not her job.    
   
\---  
   
"Wow, look at you!" Mozzie exclaimed when he waltzed into Neal's apartment a few weeks later.  Sara was six months pregnant and definitely showing.  "You actually are fat now."  
   
Neal let out a sigh.  Sara had been extremely self-conscious about gaining weight and his friend had just wrecked all the progress she had made.  
   
Okay, you're not fat," Mozzie improvised after catching Neal's glare.  "You just look really pregnant."  
   
"That's because I am, you idiot," Sara muttered.  Needless to say, she and Mozzie still weren't on the best terms.  He was still deluded enough to think that she and Neal would break up, despite the fact that she was pregnant with his child.  
   
"Okay," Neal interjected.  "Sara, you don't look fat, honey.  Moz didn't mean it, right?"  
   
"I'm sure he didn't mean it," she said angrily, stomping out of the room.   
   
"Thanks a lot."  Neal glowered at Mozzie, who just shrugged and looked at him innocently.  
   
"I didn't think she'd get that offended," Mozzie said.  "She's acting weirder than normal."  
   
"Come on, Moz.  I'm not stupid – I know that you're upset that I'm still with her."  
   
Mozzie just shook his head.  "It's fine, Neal.  I just wished that you picked a girl who was a little more accepting of your past."  
   
Neal let out a sigh.  "Sara does accept my past, Moz.  Hell, she's even helped me.  Yeah, she doesn't exactly approve but she's accepted who I was."  
   
Mozzie glanced at him.  "But are you really done?"  
   
Neal just nodded.  "This time, I'm really done, Moz."  
   
The next day, Sara passed by a baby boutique on her way home from the doctor's.  She stepped inside and quickly spent over a hundred dollars on cute onesies that were gender-neutral.  But when she came home, she quickly realized that Neal's comfortable studio apartment would have no place to host a crib and all the other necessities that came with the baby.   
   
Even though she had work to do, she pulled up the Zillow website on her laptop and spent the next three hours searching for apartments.   
   
"Hey, what are you looking at?" Neal asked when he came home.  "How was your appointment?"  
   
"It was fine.  I'm glad I got to come home early," she said, still engrossed with her search.   "And, I'm looking at apartments."  
   
"Apartments?  Why?"  
   
"This one is way too small," she replied.  "I love the view and I know that you don't want to move but there's really no good place to keep the baby's stuff."  
   
"Have you found anything nice?" he asked as he pulled out some vegetables from the fridge.  "And, what dressing do you want on the salad?"  
   
"Vinaigrette and there's some okay ones," she answered.   
   
Neal grimaced.  The last thing he wanted to do was move.  He loved his apartment.  It had a great view and he had a bond with it.  It was the one place that he'd really been able to call home.    
   
But, Sara was relentless.  Within the next few days, she had arranged showings and before he knew it, he was stepping into a two-bedroom apartment and was peeking around to see where he'd fit his art supplies and easel.  But, the search wasn't easy.  After three weeks of looking at apartments every night, they were ready to give up.  

"It's okay if we don't find anything," Neal consoled Sara one night.  "We can move later."

"No, we can't!" Sara exclaimed with tears pouring down.  "I want everything to be perfect and if we don't even have a room for the baby, how is that going to be okay?"  

Neal just kept quiet; somethings were just better off left alone.  However, thankfully, they found a two-bedroom apartment in Chelsea and were moved in within two weeks.  But, they were running out of time.  At seven months pregnant, Sara was bloated and always exhausted just from lugging the baby weight around.  Just the other day, Elizabeth had asked her if the nursery was ready and Sara had just looked at her with a blank face.  Always an over planner, Elizabeth had immediately offered to help and not knowing how to politely turn her down, Sara had accepted the favor.  Now however, she was regretting that decision. 

Elizabeth handed her another color sample.  "This would be a great color for a boy," she noted.  "It's a gorgeous light blue."  
   
"I don't know…" Sara said hesitantly.  "I was thinking of going with a duck theme.  Or something that isn't a cliché boy's room."  
   
"Are you sure?"  
   
"Yes," she replied tersely. "I'm sure that I want to do a yellow theme.  I never bought into those gender stereotypes anyway."  
   
"That's fine," Elizabeth said quietly, sensing Sara's irritation.  "Maybe you could decorate it with giraffes."  
   
"That would be cute," Sara admitted, already envisioning a yellow and brown room filled with giraffes and other animals.  "Let's do a giraffe theme."  
   
Over the weekend, Sara perched herself up on the window seat and watched as Neal painted the little giraffes on the walls.   
   
"How do you like it?" he asked, setting his brush down.   
   
"It looks amazing," she replied.  "I love it."  
   
He wrapped his arms around her stomach and leaned his head against hers.  "I'm glad we're doing this together," he admitted.  "I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on all this."  
   
\---  
   
Sara dropped the book of baby names beside her in sheer exhaustion.  The stupid book contained more than 100,000 names and she hadn't liked very many of them yet.   
   
"Find anything you liked yet?" Neal asked her as he flipped through another version of the same book.  "This book is awful.  I mean, who names their kid Colby?"  
   
"I don't even know."  Sara sighed.  "There are a few names I liked but they're so normal."  
   
"What about Bryce?"  
   
"Bryce?  Where'd you come up with that?"   
   
Neal shrugged.  "It was an identity I had for a short time.  I really liked that alias.  I really liked Nick Halden too, though."  
   
"We are not naming our child after your aliases," Sara replied.  She didn't want to have Neal's past be connected with his safer future but they weren't bad names.  
   
"Why not?  Just think about it; Bryce Nicholas Ellis-Caffrey.  It sounds great."  
   
She cringed.  It was basically word vomit.  "Ellis-Caffrey?" she questioned.  "No hyphenated names.  All my friends who had hyphenated names ended up dropping one of them."  
   
Neal stayed silent.  He really wanted his son to have his last name but then again, he didn't want Sara to be offended.    
   
"So," Sara continued, oblivious to his silence, "what do you think of Nicholas Caffrey?  Nick for short.  I really like it."  
   
\---  
   
Sara fell in love with the baby the moment the nurse laid him in her arms.  He was red, crinkly and cranky but to her, he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.  Nicholas Caffrey was perfect and no matter what happened in the future with Neal, she'd always have him.   
   
"He's amazing, isn't he?" Neal whispered as he also glanced down at their newborn.   
   
"He really is," she said with a grin.  "We did well."  
   
"Of course we did," he replied cockily.  "He has a pretty good gene pool."  
   
"That he does," she agreed.  "It's odd though – I never thought that newborns were that cute but Nick is amazing."  
   
Neal nodded in agreement.  "Yeah, but that might just be since he's our kid and not someone else's.  
   
"True.  But, hey, I'm allowed to think my son is the cutest.  Right, Nick?" she asked in a cutesy voice, lifting the baby up so he could look at her.   
   
\----  
   
Sara had yet to be inured to the concept of waking up in the middle of the night. At three o'clock, without fail, Nick would wail loudly and grudgingly, Sara would step out of bed to get the baby out of the bassinet and feed him. Thankfully, she planned to start using a pump soon so that she could bottle the breast milk. As she lifted Nick to her breast, she glanced over at Neal, who was completely unaware of his surroundings as he slept peacefully, snoring softly.  
  
Originally, when they first saw their son, Neal and Sara thought that parenting would be a breeze. But, taking care of a baby was  _hard_. The only things Nick did were eat, sleep and cry.  She was well-aware that lately, she'd been looking rather wilted – sitting inside all day would do that to a person.  With the baby's odd sleeping times, she'd been lazy and unenergetic.  Neal didn't seem to notice but then again, he was just as tired as her.   
   
As Nick dozed off again against her breast, she smiled slightly.  The fact that he would soon start sleeping longer at night was enough to keep her happy nonetheless she would miss the bonding time with her son.   
   
\---  
   
After three months of staying home with Nick, however, Sara just couldn't do it any longer.  Her fingers itched to type out emails and she was anxious to dress up and look pretty again.  Living in sweats and baggy t-shirts weren't exactly helping her out very much.   
   
Over dinner that night, she bit her lip worriedly as she thought about broaching the subject.  It was no secret that Neal liked that she was staying home with the baby – he was somewhat of a traditionalist that way – but she was done with sitting at home and doing nothing.   
   
"What's wrong?" Neal asked worriedly, glancing at his girlfriend as she pushed around her salad.  
   
"I’m just tired," she said evasively with a shrug.  
   
He looked at her with raised eyebrows.  "Sara.  I'm not an idiot.  Just tell me what's wrong and maybe I can fix it."  
   
She took a deep breath.  "I want to go back to work," she finally said in a rush.  
   
"Why?" he questioned, a frown appearing on his face.  "I thought you liked being at home."  
   
"Yeah, I did," she said softly.  "It was fun for a while but now, I need some adult company.  I need to do something productive!"  
   
"Okay," Neal replied calmly.  "I don't really mind."  
   
"Really?"  
   
He shrugged.  "He's a little young to be left with a nanny but I could stay with him if you really want to go back to work."  
   
Sara didn't want Neal to be burdened with taking care of a three month old, especially since he had finally gotten his freedom after so long.  But at the same time, she was anxious to return to her old life before the baby.  She loved Nick more than anything else in the world but she  _did_  miss her independence.    
   
"So…"  Neal snapped his fingers in front of Sara's face as she dazed off.  "Does that work?"  
   
"Do you really want to do that?"  
   
"What other choice do we have?  Either I stay at home or you do," he reasoned.  "I don't really mind."  
   
She nodded slowly.  "I guess that settles it."  And two days later, she emailed her boss letting him know that she'd be back at work the following week.  
   
\---  
   
Sara paced back and forth as she waited for Nick to wake up.  She had already packed her pump so she was anxious to feed him one last time before she left for work.   
   
"You ready?" Neal asked as he walked out the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist.   
   
She smiled coyly.  "I don't know… Staying at home seems pretty nice now."  
  
  
He laughed.  "If only Nick wasn't going to wake up soon."  
   
"I think we might be able to squeeze something in," she said with a wink.  She tugged on his towel and soon he was naked again.  Then, Nick's sharp wails pierced through the silence and Sara dropped her hands away from his chest.  "I'll go get him," she muttered with a sigh.   
   
Neal just stood and watched Sara leave and then threw on some clothes.  He rubbed the bridge of his nose.  He had agreed to watch Nick but honestly, he had no idea what he'd do with the baby.   It was going to be a very long day.  He plastered on a smile as Sara returned from the nursery ten minutes later, Nick in her arms.  "You want to go to Daddy?" she asked him, tickling his sides, as Nick reached out his arms towards Neal.  
   
"Of course he does," Neal responded with a laugh as he took his son from her.  "Did you feed him?"  
   
She nodded.  "Yeah.  I left a few bottles in the fridge but I'll have to pump at work anyway so if you run out, just come and get some."  
   
"Sounds good."  Neal glanced at the clock on the wall.  "It's seven.  Aren't you going to be late?"  
   
"Are you that anxious to get rid of me?"  
   
"We'd love to keep you around but you will be late," he warned her as all three of them went into the kitchen.  
   
"Okay," she said, "I'm leaving."  She picked up her tote bag from the ground and pecked Neal's cheek with a smile.  But then, her face turned serious.  "Are you sure you're okay with this?"  
   
Neal just bent his head.  He could just see the worry in Sara's eyes.  "We'll be fine," he assured her again.  "Have fun at work."  
   
"I want updates," she called as she walked out the door.   Neal just chuckled as he waved at her one last time.  He then turned to look at Nick.  "I guess it's just you and me, bud," he said before he shut the door.   
   
\---  
   
Sara smiled at her assistant, Karen, as she walked into her office.  It was really good to be back.  Leaving Nick was hard but going back to her usual routine was great.   
   
"Hey Sara," Karen greeted her with a smile.   "Excited to be back?"  
   
Sara nodded.  "It's great!  I'm even looking forward to going to the meetings."  
   
Once she was alone again, Sara turned on her desktop, something she hadn't done in months, stuck her laptop in her docking station and checked her email.  Yes, everything was slowly returning back to normal and it felt really good.   
   
After hours of meetings however, Sara was ready to go home and relax.  Thankfully, her job didn't require too much work to be done at home.  
   
The first thing she did when she came home was go into the nursery to see if Nick was sleeping.  When she didn't see him there, she walked into her bedroom and smiled when she saw Neal and Nick napping.   She pulled on some pajamas and snuggled next to her little one, and accidentally woke up a stirring Neal in the process.  "Hey," he mumbled sleepily.  "You're home."  
   
"Yeah," she said with a sigh.  "It's six-thirty already.   Time is just going by so fast and – did he get bigger?" she wondered as she glanced at the baby.   
   
"Stop dwelling on the little details and have fun at work," Neal said softly.  "He hasn't grown in the eight hours since you've left.  You can spend all weekend with him."  
   
"Did he miss me?" she asked nervously.  "Was he sad that I left?"  
   
Neal let out a slow sigh.  He sat up and looked at his girlfriend who was already hugging Nick to her chest, squeezing him tight.  "You know," he said carefully, "maybe you need to stop thinking so much about what he thinks.  He's three months old.  He's not going to notice if you're there or not.   Maybe you should stay home for a little bit if you miss him so much."  
   
"I  _want_  to go to work," she moaned.  "But at the same time, I need to spend time with him."  She gestured towards Nick who was still dozing off in her arms.  "I don't want to miss out on all the little things he does."  
   
He shrugged.  "I can't choose for you, Sara," he said as he stepped out of bed.  "I told you before, I'm okay with whatever you decide."   He shrugged.  "It's all up to you," he repeated and went into the kitchen and Sara stood in the room and glanced at her son.  Yet again, she was having to choose between things. 

"You're right," she said, following behind Neal.  "It is up to me and I don't want to choose.  I'm going to keep working."  She smiled.  "You know, I never properly thanked you."

"For what?" he asked curiously.  

 "Everything," she said simply and wrapped her arms around Neal.  "You've done so much, given up so much, and I can't thank you enough."  
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
 


End file.
